memories of the heart
by nightflame
Summary: It's been three years. Van, despite all his efforts, can no longer see Hitomi. Hitomi, back on earth, doesn't remember anything about Van and her time in Gaea. Has Hitomi truly forgotten Van? Or will her heart allow her to see the memories it's hiding? r


escaflowne

(A/N) hey people! nightflame is back (finally…^_^) and with a brand-spanking new fanfic. This is my first esca so I hope you guys like it. It's my continuation to the series (not the movie, but that was good too…) anyway, REVIEW!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tell me what you think; writing without getting any reviews can be quite…depressing. Arigato!! (by the way, this story takes place 3 years after the end of the series)

  
disclaimer - I do not own esca…=( *sniff*sniff* I really wouldn't mind owning Van. Anyway, the only thing that belongs to me here is the plot, so no taking without asking!   
  
dedication - this is to mah friend, christine, aka anime girl, my supplier and artist of all things anime. You rule girl!! I'm sorry this took so long to write, but hey, you better get started drawing some of these scenes for me like you promised! ^_^  
  
thoughts (' ')  
dialogue (" ")  
scene change ( ~*~*~ )  
flashback ( ~~~ )  
  
**memories of the heart  
by nightflame  
  
  
A young man sat staring into the sky. The velvety darkness competed only with his midnight hair. He stared at the light emitted by the stars. Nestled among the stars sat two moons, one slightly larger than the other. A wistful sigh of regret escaped the young king's lips. "Hitomi" he whispered. "Why can't I see you?"  
  
~*~*~  
  
A young girl stood alone in the darkness. '_Where am I?' she thought nervously. "Help!" she cried out. All she heard was her echo. '__Alone…all alone' she thought bitterly, as a tear slid down her cheek. Suddenly, a bright beam of light penetrated the darkness. The girl spun around and squinted into the light. Something was floating down toward her. '__Snow?' She stretched out her hand and the object slipped onto her hand. A single, pure white feather. She stared at it in disbelief. Instantly, a torrent of feathers floated down, surrounding her. Each one seemed to emit a feeling of peace, of love. A shadow fell upon her. Instinctively, she glanced up. Something was coming toward her. An angel was flying toward her. It was from him that the feathers fell. She tried in vain to see him, but couldn't because of the light. He reached out his hand to her…_**

Hitomi Kanzaki woke up with a start. '_That dream again' she thought. __'Who is that person? Why can't I see him?' Hitomi had been having these dreams for a while now. She didn't know why, but every time, when she woke up, there was a hollow feeling within her – like she had lost something deep within her heart, but didn't know what. '__Who is he? Is he someone I knew?' she sat up on her bed contemplating. Abruptly, she shook her head. "It's a dream Hitomi. There's no such thing as a person with wings" she told herself. _

A little while later, Hitomi sat on the steps of her house, waiting. A girl came running up the sidewalk, waving frantically. "HITOMI!" she called out brightly. A smile spread across Hitomi's face. "Hurry up Yukari! We're going to be late to school!" She called out as she ran down the steps toward the sidewalk. The two girls headed off in the direction of their high school. "You know Hitomi, there's track practice after school. You're still in great shape, and I'm sure they'd take you back on the team" Yukari mentioned nonchalantly. Hitomi looked at her friend and rolled her eyes. "I quit track Yukari" Hitomi smiled. Yukari never gave up. Once a manager, always a manager.

"But you never really gave a reason" she pressed. Hitomi sighed. "Well, I just couldn't run anymore. I gave up a lot of things back then…tarot, running. I just grew too old for it." 

Yukari shot her friend a strange glance. "Old? Hitomi, we're 18! C'mon, there's a better reason" Yukari prodded her friend."Why are you so worried about it? It was a long time ago" Hitomi pointed out. The truth was, she really didn't remember why she quit. She just remembered knowing that she had to. "Well, I just want you to remember" Yukari concluded quietly. The two girls continued to school in silence. Yukari still remembered that day Hitomi told her she was quitting. 

~~~

"I can't do it anymore Yukari. I won't!" 

"But Hitomi…" Yukari tried to protest. Hitomi shook her head defiantly. "I can't. It hurts too much. Every time I step on the track…" Hitomi paused, biting her lip. "Every time I step on that track I keep thinking I'll see him standing there" Hitomi paused, her eyes glistening. Yukari felt her heart being torn apart. This was her best friend. It had hurt her so much when Hitomi disappeared for those 3 months, but now, ever since Hitomi had gotten back, Yukari almost wished that she'd go back to him. "Hitomi…" she whispered helplessly. How do you tell your best friend to leave? And Yukari knew, deep in her heart, that she wasn't ready to let her friend leave her again. 

~~~

Yukari closed her eyes in contemplation. When Hitomi was gone, all Yukari could think about was finding her best friend. When she came back, Yukari was overjoyed until she saw the pain that Hitomi was going through. It had gotten so bad that Yukari worried for Hitomi's life. Then, one day, Hitomi ran down her walkway like nothing had changed. The old, cheerful Hitomi was back - but with a price. She knew nothing of what had happened to her; when Yukari mentioned anything of it, Hitomi brushed it off saying that Yukari read too many books. A part of her disappeared. At that time Yukari had accepted it, but now Yukari wished that Hitomi would just remember what she had left behind. What Yukari wanted was for her friend to be truly happy once again. She opened her eyes and glanced over at Hitomi. Hitomi was walking, her face turned toward the sky, a lost look on her face. "Hitomi?" Yukari asked concerned. "Are you alright?"

"Huh?" she answered. Hitomi blinked and snapped out of her trance. "Oh sorry Yukari, I'm okay. It's just…" she trailed off. "Just what?" Yukari asked her, worried. Hitomi looked away slightly. She didn't want Yukari thinking she was weird. "Hitomi" Yukari repeated. "What's wrong?" Hitomi looked at her worried friend. "I've just been having this dream lately" Yukari had a questioning look on her face. "Dreams of what?" she asked. Hitomi looked toward the sky again. "Feathers" 

~*~*~

Van Slanzar de Fanel stood like a king. In the last three years, he had grown and filled out. Where a boy once stood, now was a young man, with the weight of the world around his neck. Literally. Upon his chest sat a golden necklace with a red pendant. This pendant held the power of Atlantis, his people, the power of wishes. Yet there was one wish that it would not fulfill. No matter how hard he wanted it to, it couldn't fill the hole in his heart, the aching he had every time night fell. Only one thing, one person could fill that hole. Yet she had left him, and he had let her go. 

~*~*~

Hitomi spun around. Nothing. _'I'm dreaming again' she thought. She looked around for the beam of light. It wasn't there. Suddenly, it fell upon her. She closed her eyes to shield herself from the intense light. She could feel the light swirling around her, lifting her up. __'Why does this seem so familiar?' Feathers floated around her. She felt a shadow upon her and opened her eyes. There he was again._

The angel, this mysterious person who was reaching out for her - so close yet so far away. "It's you" she stated as she stared at him. A red glow appeared on his chest and for a brief second, she saw his eyes. The intensity in them shocked and intrigued her. She knew those eyes. He continued to stretch his hand to hers, yet she couldn't reach him. Something was stopping him from reaching her…something…

"Hitomi! Hitomi!" Hitomi opened her eyes. Someone was shaking her shoulder. Blinking a couple times, she lifted her head up into the worried eyes of Yukari. "Omigosh" Yukari sighed. "I was scared for a second. I couldn't get you to wake up. Class is over; we better go before sensei becomes worried. Yukari forcibly dragged Hitomi out of her seat. "Are you okay Hitomi?" Yukari asked as she dragged Hitomi down the hall.

"Hm?" Hitomi yawned. "I had another dream Yukari" Yukari stopped so abruptly, Hitomi almost fell down. "Dream? Dream of what? Feathers?" she questioned. "Yes and no. Something else this time. This time, the light fell upon me and I was being lifted up. It seemed so familiar…and strange…and HE was there again" Hitomi frowned. "Yuki, do you think I'm going crazy?"

"No" Yukari answered. "I think that dreams are visual interpretations of what you truly desire" Hitomi gave Yukari a look. "So I'm desiring to be lifted up into a light?" Yukari responded with an almost sad glance. "No, you're desiring something your heart refused to recognize" Hitomi stared at Yukari like she was crazy. "Now I think you're going crazy" Hitomi replied. "I'm not desiring anything right now. Except maybe a snack" she said with a laugh as her stomach rumbled. Yukari smiled. "Alright. Let's grab something before we go to the airport"

"Airport??"

~*~*~

"Flight A328 from New York is now arriving at gate 28. Flight A328 from New York is now arriving at gate 28" A voice rang out over the intercom. Hitomi smiled at Yukari who was waiting impatiently for the passengers to come off the plane. Hitomi closed her eyes and thought about that dream. _'Another one. They keep coming. Why now? What is going on? Just who is that guy?' She thought back to the dream. __'Those eyes. They were so…intense. And they seemed so sad at the same time. I know those eyes…who's eyes are they? How do I know them?' Hitomi sighed in frustration. "Kanzaki. Always the day-dreamer" a male voice pierced into her thoughts. Hitomi opened her eyes and a smile lit up her face. "Amano-sempai!" she cried joyously. She gave him a quick hug. "How are you? How is America?" she asked. "I'm doing a lot better now" he replied with a smile, glancing at Yukari, who stood at his side. "And America is so busy. Everyone always seems to be in a hurry"_

"Then we'll make sure we go slow for you" she replied. The three friends laughed and headed out the door.  
  


~*~*~

Van sighed bitterly as he sat, staring at the sinking sun. When he was younger, he had cherished the night. The darkness covered and allowed him to spread his wings; now it only brought him a feeling of regret and confusion. Even after Hitomi had first left, he was able to see her. Watch her run in track, fret over schoolwork, even fight with her younger brother. Then suddenly, after a couple months, it was like a brick wall was built up. He didn't know why, but no he could no longer see her, know what she was going through. She had truly disappeared from him. Each night, the two moons filled him with painful longing and a stab of regret. "Hitomi" he whispered. "How could I have been so stupid? Three years. Three long years without seeing your face, of seeing you. Why did I let you go?" A tear at the corner of his eye threatened to fall. "Hitomi" he murmured as he tried to see her again. The tear slid down his cheek and he roughly brushed it away. He wouldn't cry. He still had his memories of their times together. But sometimes, memories just aren't enough.

~*~*~

About a week had gone by and Hitomi couldn't remember another time when Yukari was so happy. Whenever Amano came to visit, it was like Yukari constantly had a smile on her face; she was complete. As happy as Hitomi was for Yukari, she felt something tugging at her heart. It wasn't bitterness, and it wasn't jealously. Her little crush on Amano faded a long time ago; she woke up one day and realized she never loved him. No, it was something else. How Yukari seemed so complete, something Hitomi couldn't accomplish. It wasn't an award, or anything that could really be done. No matter what Hitomi did, there was a part of her that was incomplete. A part of her heart that was missing. _'Maybe Yukari was right when she said I was desiring something my heart refused to recognize. But what? Why?' she thought frustrated. Gradually, Hitomi became aware of a soft knocking at her door. "Come in" she called out. The door opened to reveal her mother. "Hi mom" Hitomi greeted her mother. "Are you okay Hitomi? You look a bit…frustrated" Hitomi shook her head. "No mom, I'm fine" she replied with a fake smile plastered on her face. "Anyway, why did you come up here?" Her mother looked at her unbelievingly before replying. "Amano is here. He wants to talk to you" Hitomi looked at her mom and nodded. "Tell him I'll be right down"_

~*~*~

"- and then the duck says, put it on my bill! Haha!" Amano laughed. Hitomi rolled her eyes. "Amano-sempai, you can be such a baka sometimes" Amano looked at her with a smile on his face. "Yea, well, whatever" The two friends were taking a stroll in the park. They got to a bike path when Amano stopped. "Hey Kanzaki, let's race" Hitomi looked at him with one eyebrow raised. "I don't run anymore Amano" Amano ignored her look and started to stretch. "Why? Afraid you're going to lose? That out of shape?" Hitomi crossed her arms. "No, I just…" "Aww c'mon Kanzaki. One race to that tree down there" he stated, cutting her off. Hitomi shrugged then smiled. "Fine. One race" she agreed. 

The two runners got ready. "Whoever touches the tree first wins. On your mark, get ready, get set, GO!" Amano yelled as he got up and started to run. Hitomi was right on his heels, both running as hard as they were able. Hitomi started to pull into the lead when Amano suddenly put in a burst of speed and flew ahead of her…to run into the tree. Hitomi stopped in shock as she watched Amano pull back from the tree. "Oh man, that hurt" he grimaced. Hitomi's initial shock turned into hysterical laughter. "OMIGOSH! Haha! You may outrun me, but at least I don't run into trees!" she crowed hysterically. Amano pulled back and laid down on the ground. "Thanks Kanzaki. Here I am in pain and you're laughing at me" he retorted sarcastically. Hitomi's laughter subsided into giggles. "Sorry Amano" apologizing in between giggles. She plopped down next to him. "Anyway, why did you want to talk to me?" 

Amano suddenly turned serious. "Well, as you know Hitomi, I love Yukari very much. I see myself growing old with her" Hitomi smiled at that thought. "One day, Hitomi," he said hesitantly, "I want to take her to America with me. As my wife" he paused to let the meaning of his words soak in. Hitomi turned serious as well. "You want to marry her? Now?" she asked. "No, not now. I know she wants to go to college, and I'm willing to wait for her. It's just that I want her to be happy" he thought for a moment. "Hitomi, back in the United States, I saw this movie. It's called Good Will Hunting. One character is holding himself back because of fear. His best friend tells him something. He told him, that one day, he wanted to come up to his friend's house to pick him up and find him gone. That his friend would have left to follow his heart. And that's sort of what I want. I want to one day, come back to Japan to pick up Yukari to have her stand there alone. To have her tell me that you remembered to follow your heart" Hitomi looked at him a bit confused. He continued. "I'm pretty sure you don't really understand what I'm telling you right now. Here" he reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope. The front said simply: To Hitomi Kanzaki. "I want you to open this when the time is right" he told her. Hitomi accepted it and looked at him watchfully. "What do you mean, when the time is right?" He looked at her and smiled. "You'll know. C'mon, it's getting late, we better get back" He stood up and offered his hand to help her stand. Hitomi looked at him thoughtfully and accepted his offer to help her stand. The two walked back down the path towards Hitomi's house.

~*~*~

On the rooftop of his castle, his sanctuary by the mystic moon, Van sat dreaming and longing to hold her once again and to tell her the words he had been too afraid to say before. "I love you Hitomi Kanzaki. With all of my heart"

~*~*~

"Don't cry Yukari. We'll be together soon, I promise" Hitomi looked on as Yukari and Amano tried to say goodbye. The week had passed and it was time for Amano to go back home. The heartbreaking scene seemed so familiar to Hitomi. Amano stood in front of Yukari, looking down on her intently. "Besides, we're never far as long as we think of each other" Those words struck Hitomi. She knew those words. She closed her eyes and thought. _'Those words. Where have I heard those words before? A movie? A book? Where?' Slowly, she opened her eyes and discovered that she was no longer in the airport. Around her was a lush greenery, a forest. In front of her stood a boy, around the age of 15 or 16, in a red shirt and khaki-ish pants. His face was still shadowed to her but she heard his words. "But…but we're never far apart as long as we're in each other's thoughts, right?" He reached his hand out to her. Hitomi stared at him, her heart crying out. Without warning, the scenery faded and she found herself once again in the airport, to find Yukari and Amano in a tight hug. "Last call for boarders on flight 2929 to LaGuardia Airport in New York. Last call" the intercom called out. Amano finally let go of Yukari and gave Hitomi a quick hug. "Remember" he whispered into her ear "One day, I want to come back to find you've gone and followed your heart" He gave her a quick smile and turned back to Yukari. He kissed her once on the cheek and whispered something to her. Hitomi turned away, his words burning. __'Everyone tells me to follow my heart, to know my heart's desire. How can they know what my heart desires when I don't?' A stolid voice interrupted Hitomi's thoughts. "Flight 2929 to LaGuardia Airport in New York is now departing" She turned around to see Yukari standing, pressed to the glass window. Slowly, Hitomi walked over and gave her friend a reassuring hug. "You two will see each other again soon" she comforted her friend. Yukari turned to Hitomi, her eyes glistening. "Hai…we'll always be thinking of each other" Yukari turned and blew a kiss at the departing airplane. "Let's go home Hitomi"_

~*~*~

Van slowly stood up. "Hitomi" he whispered "I love you more than my heart can take. I would fly to the Mystic Moon just to see you again. Just to see if you were happy. You left because you had too. As much as I wish I said something, anything to make you stay…I love you too much to keep you here against your will. I'll never forget you my love. Even if we can't see each other" he closed his eyes to ignore the little voice in his head that told him that Hitomi had forgotten him, never loved him. "Hitomi Kanzaki, I will always love you no matter what!" he screamed to the stars. With that, a beam of red light was released from the pendant around his neck and flew to the heavens above.

~*~*~

Hitomi looked around. She was in that clearing again. She looked around. A large white giant kneeled at one edge. Then she saw him. The boy in the red shirt. He turned around to face a girl standing behind him. She heard those words again. "But…but we're never far apart as long as we're in each other's thoughts, right?" she heard him ask. She watched as the girl nodded in affirmation. Hitomi felt pangs of guilt and loneliness piercing at her heart. As much as she wanted to look away, she knew she couldn't. There was a reason she was there. She watched as the boy pulled the girl into a tight hug, then lift his arm into the sky. Without warning, suddenly, Hitomi found herself being pulled up in a bright beam of blue light. She looked down and, for the first time, saw the boy's face. His strong face, the intense brown eyes. It dawned on her who she was leaving. She opened her mouth to cry out to him, but she was being pulled away. Instead, she heard something that tore her apart. She heard her voice cry out to him. "I'll never forget you!"

Hitomi abruptly sat up and cried out. "Van!" Tears streamed down her face. It hit her what she had done. For the last three years, she had cut him out of her life, she had forcibly forgotten him: in doing so, she tried to cast away a part of her heart. Yet her memories wouldn't let her. They forced their way in through her dreams. _'Yukari was right. My dreams were visual interpretations of my heart's desire. I want to be with him. I'm not complete without him' Hitomi broke down and started to sob into her sheets. She remembered everything; her adventures in Gaea, discovering her love for Van, having to leave him. She recalled the pain she went through when she had gotten back. Hitomi didn't realize that how much noise she was making until she felt a pair of arms around her. She looked up to find her mother looking down upon her with sad eyes. "Mom?" Hitomi looked up. Her mother just cradled her in her arms and whispered to her "No matter what, I want you to know that we all love you" Hitomi looked up at her mother a bit confused. Her mother just smiled and wiped away some of Hitomi's tears. "You knew, didn't you? Why didn't you tell…" "It was something you had to discover on your own" Hitomi's mom said, answering Hitomi's unspoken question. She stood up and walked to the door. "Remember Hitomi, we all love you, forever" she uttered softly and then closed the door behind her. _

Hitomi sat there, a bit confused. She stared at her bedsheet for moment when she noticed a pure white feather on her sheet. She reached over to pick up when her eyes caught the sight of another. She looked around her room to see it covered in feathers. "Van" she whispered._'He's calling me' she thought. __'Just like that time when I had come back and he came for me' She blinked and all the feathers disappeared. Suddenly, she knew what she had to do. Getting out of bed, she quickly gathered some things into a duffel bag and quickly changed. Deftly, she walked to her desk and wrote a note to her family. Folding it over carefully, she walked downstairs to the kitchen and left it on the table, where it would be the first thing they'd see. Quietly, she slipped out of her house and started to run. _

~*~*~

Hitomi raced down the empty street. Finally, she reached it. In the dark, it seemed so empty; so lonely. Quietly, she walked out towards the center of the track. She had barely gotten in when all of the sudden, the lights turned on. Hitomi whirled around to find Yukari standing at the gate. A sudden feeling of guilt washed over her. "Yukari, I'm so sorry, I have…" she started to say when Yukari cut her off. "Hitomi. All I want is for you to be happy. In answer to your question, your mom called me and told me you remembered" Yukari stopped and stared at the ground. "I realized something while I ran here Hitomi. You came back, even though your heart was on that other planet with that guy" "Van" Hitomi interjected. Yukari smiled. "When your heart was with Van. You came back because you had ties here. Me, your mom, Amano. You always thought of others first. Your mother let you go a long time ago. I think she always knew you'd go back. Amano…well, you'll find out. But me? I wasn't able to let my best friend go again. I held you back here without even knowing it. I'm so sorry Hitomi. I'm part of the reason you were never truly happy" Yukari started to cry softly. Hitomi looked at her best friend with compassionate eyes. "Oh Yukari" Hitomi gave her friend a heartfelt hug. "At least this time, I'm able to say good-bye" she said with a smile. Yukari looked at Hitomi and smiled. She gave Hitomi another hug. Hitomi merely nodded; no more words were needed. Yukari turned and walked away. At the gate, Yukari turned around and waved once more to her friend. "Be happy Hitomi. Remember to always follow your heart"

Hitomi watched as Yukari left. Something she said reminded her of something. "The letter!" she proclaimed, remembering. Hitomi reached into her bag and pulled out the letter that Amano gave her. Silently, she opened it. There was simply one piece of paper in it. She pulled it out and read it. To Hitomi. 

If you're reading this, I trust that you remembered your past. I wrote this to you so you would know that if you're leaving while I'm gone, I want you to know that I just want you to be happy. If it wasn't for you, I would have never gotten together with Yukari, the love of my life. Now it's your turn to be with the love of your life. I wish you happiness Hitomi. If possible, try to visit. Best of luck. 

Sincerely, Amano

Hitomi smiled. She had the love and encouragement of all those she cared about. She looked up into the sky. "I'm ready Van" she voiced softly as a familiar blue light engulfed her.

~*~*~

Van felt his heart beating faster and faster and he flew toward the light. After the pendant sent out a red light, it flew to the heavens and returned as a familiar blue beam into the forest. Seeing this, Van's heart rose and he hoped as he never hoped before. Spreading his wings, he dove off the roof and headed toward the light. 

~*~*~

Hitomi landed onto the soft earth with a gentle thump. She stood up debating which way to go when she felt it. He was coming for her. She turned around just in time to see a white feather float down in front of her face. Slowly, she lifted her head to see him reaching out for her. Before she knew it, he had landed in front of her and had her in a tight embrace. "Hitomi…it's really you" he murmured into her hair. Deliberately, Hitomi pulled away from his arms to look at him. He had filled out. He was no longer the youth she remember. His hair was still an unruly mess and the intensity of his eyes had not faded. Tears filled her eyes as she soaked him in. _'How could I have ever forgotten him?' she cursed herself silently. Never again would she let herself forget her angel. Looking into his eyes, she could still see the glimmer of pain in them. She remember something a Sunday school teacher once told her. __'The eyes are the windows to the heart' she mused to herself. __'He knows that I forgot him. I caused him so much pain' The thought tore her up inside. She had to apologize. She opened her mouth. "Van, I broke my promise. I'm so sorry I forgot…" However, her words were cut off as he lowered his lips to hers in a gentle kiss. His gentle kiss turned deep and insistent as she kissed him back. Slowly, they pulled apart for the necessity of air. He leaned his forehead on hers. "Hitomi" he breathed. "I've missed you. I never should have let you go. I…I love you" he confessed. Hitomi smiled. "I love you too Van" she answered softly. As the two lovers embraced in the night both knew one thing: together, they were complete._


End file.
